a dream
at the end of the path is a shallow marble fountain i used to sit around as a kid -
here is where it used to be and over there was the cafe where i'd get hot chocolate -
and when i'd get home my dad would pour a little into his coffee -
he used to pull me out of bed on sundays to get bagels for breakfast -
he'd tell me "you can brush your teeth when we get back" -
that's how I got used to getting up whenever I wake up -
even if you're not here with me anymore I still manage to get out of bed -
I always lived alone in the first place -
even when we were together -
when we slept together and kissed each other and held each other and cried in each other's . . . -
the only person who lived here was me - it's almost like a dream - like a dream - like a dream -
and now gone, not even a hair left behind, no remnants, no mementos, nothing physical anyways -
everything here belongs to me . . . I styled my hair . . . just for me, I -
picked out these shoes . . . just for me, I started working out and going to bed early . . . just for me, I -
I was the only one who lived here.
Everday I go to sleep here and everyday I wake up from my dream here. Here, here, here, here.
Here is where I fly and here is where I hang out with my highschool friends and here is where I'm chased
and here is where I follow my crush and here is where we're surrounded and here is where we hop fences
and here is where my head smashes into the pavement and here is where I carry you out of the water and
here is where the canopy is thick and here is where the air is amber and here
is where I'm onstage and, here, I'm going to fail my exams and fail my parents, and I've failed my friends,
find myself thirty years later investigating the fingertips of every sown seed I search for the sensation
where things have left and been left numb and indeterminate against the backdrop invisibility we vowed
we'd overcome we'd become something important something different something real
something here something with the courage to cry with the courage to say I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared
to say that I'm scared and that's okay because I've got (you) was all I ever wanted and for a time we were more than -
